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Saturday, September 27, 2014

Stability in Fostering


  Someone recently told me fostering after adopting an older child is hard because of the way it effects the adopted child. They told me an adopted child needs stability and with having children come in and out, they don't have that.

I disagree.

  I do agree an adopted child needs stability. However, I think fostering clearly provides that. Nothing has taught Michael more stability than seeing children come and go, but he stays. Michael has lived in eight homes. When Michael first came to us, he thought he had been adopted eight times. He had been promised adoption at a few of those homes, so he assumed each time he had been adopted.

  People do not know how hard it is to "rewire" the way a child thinks, especially when it sounds like the same spill the last family gave. Having to convince Michael "this time" was going to be different was the hardest thing we have had to do. Nothing has taught Michael this is his forever family than seeing other children move. He finally has the same feeling that birth children have. He has never been an only child so, every time he left a home, he left a sister or brother. He has left a home when other children got to stay. Michael staying has taught him was stability means.
  
  In the last 10 months, we have had 10 foster children in our home. Each time one leaves, it makes me thankful for the one who has stayed. It makes me thankful God chose to make Michael ours. It makes me love on M a little more, just so he knows he is ours. Many people ask how M feels about having other foster children come and go or how it effects him. Michael know EXACTLY how these children feel when they come in. He knows the loneliness and confusion they feel. Michael has a lot in common most of the time with the foster children who come in. I have heard Michael tell just about all of them, "I was a foster child too but I was adopted!" Michael has already started sharing his testimony before he knows what one is. Michael loves to hear their stories.

  Michael loves having other foster children in our home. Partly because he's an only child and loves having someone to play with. When we know the children are only here for a night or two, it often feels like a slumber party. We don't change our schedules too much but there is more flexibility. 

  Fostering teaches Michael the same thing it teaches Kyle and I. It teaches him the love of Christ more and more. It teaches us to be thankful for the life we have. It also teaches us that sometimes God calls you to do really hard things.  Fostering teaches us to lean on Christ for understanding. Fostering is hard. Fostering can break your heart.

  My last blog was about how hard it was going to be when GG left. Let me tell you, it was hard and it's still hard. We talk about her often and I think about her everyday. It wasn't just hard on me, but we all shed tears. Sometimes it's hard for Michael to see these kids leave. The last group of three we had was probably the hardest for him. He was close to one's age and the other two really enjoyed playing with him. He was heartbroken when they left. I tell Michael "Christ will give them a home just like He gave you. It may be with their birth mom, it may take awhile to get a "home," but they will have one."

  There are times Michael is ready for them to leave. Sometimes he says he is ready for it to just be us. Sometimes he doesn't like the other kids who come in. Sometimes they just don't get along. But I want him to learn the same things from these times as when it's hard to see them leave. 
  
  As much as I want to guard Michael's heart from being broke, I want him to know there is joy in the pain. I want him to learn surrendering our life for Christ means trusting in His plan. I want him to know the peace that comes from obeying Christ even when we don't understand. I want Him to know that God's will is not always what we think it should be. I want him to see Christ can heal our wounds and give us peace that passes all understandingI want fostering to be an avenue Christ can use to show Michael His love for us and the love we should have for others. I want Michael to love because He first loved us.

  Fostering has taught Michael compassion and love. It has taught him to be welcoming and friendly. It has taught him to be what he needed when he moved homes. It has taught Michael lessons I could not teach. It has taught Michael he is no longer a "foster kid" but a part of our family. It has taught Michael this is "more than a roof" but a home.