Right now I'm sitting in a waiting room while our sweet three year old, Baby E, is having a 3-4 hour surgery to have implants to restore hearing loss. I'm sitting with my husband and a dear friend who flew from home to be with us. We scroll through Facebook, work on homework, and talk as we wait for updates about our little guy. You know who's not here? You could probably guess, but it's his "real mom."
A couple weeks ago I was in the waiting room at the state building and a new foster mom started asking me questions. She asked how long I had been one and then she asked a question she knew the answer to but didn't want to hear. As she held a 4 month old baby she said, "Does it ever get easier?" I looked at this mom and wanted so bad to say yes. But I told her the truth, "Not at all." I said it because it's the truth. It never gets easier.
I'm not sure what she was implying: visits, unknowns, sharing your child, waiting, fostering? Nothing gets easier. I sit in this waiting room not promised tomorrow with him. I sit clinging to words of doctors, waiting for a phone update. I sit waiting to see him and try to comfort him as he wakes. I sit waiting as his mom.
The nurse will come out and ask for his parents to come speak to the doctor. We are the ones who she gives instructions to. We are the ones who will be there when he wakes up. We are the ones who will take a fussy baby home. We are the ones who will miss sleep. We are the ones who have to help him recover. We are his parents.
Nothing about this is easy. At some point you start to want these babies with everything inside you. At some point you realize that loosing them will be the hardest thing you face.Visits are hard. Sharing your baby is hard. Knowing they may not be yours makes everything hard. It never gets easier.
The only thing that's easy is loving these babies like they are your own. These children need families. These children need love. These children need comfort. These children need us. It never gets easier but it's always worth it.
