The Child I Could Not Care For

  My heart aches as I write this post. These past 24 hours have been incredibly hard for us. At 9:00pm on August 13th the little guy we nicknamed "Little J" came into our home and around 1:30pm on August 14th he was no longer in my care. I can't give many details but it was due to medical problems. 

  He was one of the sweetest and most gentle little guys we have ever met. He was a wonderful little boy with a sad story. 

  Little J was not hard, we just could not meet his needs. The hardest thing for Kyle and I was realizing his needs were far to great for us to care for, especially with three other children in our home. Little J needed lots of extra care that wouldn't be possible for us to manage. Telling our social worker I felt like I would not be able to care for him was the hardest thing I have had to do since we began fostering.

  I have wanted to throw the towel in on a few kids before. Sounds horrible but I'm being honest. Sometimes you get a child who is just really hard. Sometimes so hard you contemplate calling and telling them you can't deal. This wasn't the case for Little J. It hurt so bad because I wanted to be the one who could care for him. I wanted to nurse him back to good health and watch this little guy start thriving. It broke my heart to have to say I couldn't be that person for him. 

  Even though we had him for a night, we served a purpose. We fulfilled the need the best we could and for as long as we could. I will think of Little J every day. Even though he was only in our home for a short time, he will forever be in our hearts. He may not ever remember us, but I will forever remember him. 

To the child I could not care for:

   You are a special boy. You may have only been in our home for a moment but we will always remember you. The hardest thing for me was to not be who you needed. I could love you but I couldn't care for your medical needs. I was not the best for you and the best is what you deserve. I hope to see you healthy and thriving one day.

 

We truly love you. 

I May Have Lost My Mind

 Some days I'm pretty certain I have lost my mind. These days normally contain dirty dishes, grumpy kids, and lots of laundry and since all of these things have multiplied, I feel this way a good bit. I also feel this way when I get the great idea to take all of my children into Walmart with me. 

  We were licensed here in Louisiana at the end of May and on June third we got our first placement. A two year old little boy. We weren't told a lot of positives about him because he had some special needs. We were told he was deaf, couldn't see well, and maybe some other needs. He has been a "life changer" for sure but not because of his delays, but because we are in love with this little boy. He has taught us so much. He is the happiest baby I've ever seen and brings us great joy. It's also great to see Michael love on him! 

  

Then June 15, I took a placement of two boys, 6 and 4. I say "I took a placement" because "I" really did. Kyle was out of town...so for two days I had 4 boys in my house: 2, 4, 6, and 8! I only had them two days but in those two days I really felt like I had lost my mind. But, it was also fun! Especially when we lost power from 5:00-9:30 at night. 5-8 wasn't so bad, but then it got warm and dark. So we had Burger King for dinner and a late bedtime!

  

  July 2, we took another placement. A 5 year old girl. I was excited about having another girl in our home. She showed up and the first thing out of her mouth was "I'm here to live with yall! Where's my room?" A song lyric by Taylor Swift sums it up, "I knew you were trouble when you walked in." This little bitty 5 year old girl came in with a punch and so much sass!! But as soon as she came in, she had our hearts. She has a great smile and loving heart. I love her as much as she loves Elsa, and that is a lot. She should be going home soon and I can't imagine her not being here, but I'm excited for her to be joining her mom! Her mom is a wonderful lady and I hope to continue to be apart of their life! 

  So here we are, enjoying life with our son who is now 9, and our foster loves, 5 year old Elsa and Baby E who just turned 3.

  I stay tired, worn out, and stressed to the max. I forget stuff all the time. Here's a funny story: We signed Michael up at a local 3 day camp. I thought he went Thursday thru Saturday! So you can imagine my surprise when a friend tagged me in a picture (on Monday) of the camp trying to find Michael in it. His camp was from Monday-Thursday!! This is at 3:30pm and he was supposed to be there at noon! We rushed to get him packed and ready! He ended up having. A great time! Kyle and I have nicknamed this "third kid syndrome." It's funny now but I was so upset with myself over it. I was sure I had lost my mind. Three kids? What was I thinking?!

  

  Even though I feel overwhelmed sometimes, I wouldn't trade this life for anything! A friend of mine joked about thinking I was crazy when we said yes to three kids. I laughed but I was thinking "Everyone is really going to think we are nuts when we say yes to another one." We look crazy and maybe sound crazy, but there is no greater joy than to be serving the Lord and being in His will. We love this chaotic life and I look forward to growing!

  Kyle and I try to live with what we call "open hands" and allow the Lord to place whatever or whoever in them. When we get a call about a child or have to make a decision we ask the question "Does this glorify God?" And if it does, we say yes. God seems to get the most glory when what you're doing is labeled "crazy" or no one understands. 

  We are 22 and currently have three kids. Only one of those is technically "ours" but we love each one like our own so while they are here..they are mine. 

  It's funny to think about what being crazy in love with Jesus has done to our lives. Our life is not how I pictured it would be. It's better, even on the days I feel like I have lost my mind. I wouldn't trade this life for anything. I'm thankful His ways are greater. I may have lost my mind, but "I found my life when I laid it down." (Hillsong's "Touch the Sky")